207. From Conflict to Connection: Having Crucial Conversations that Count

How victim, villain, and helpless stories sabotage our most important conversations.

The hardest conversations aren’t just about what you say to the other person. According to Joseph Grenny, critical conversations begin with the stories that you tell yourself.

As a leading expert on business performance and communication, and a New York Times bestselling co-author of Crucial Conversations, Grenny explains that navigating high-stakes communication starts by examining the internal narratives we bring into these situations. “You and I use three consistent types of stories in these moments that don't serve us well,” he says: Victim stories (emphasizing our innocence), villain stories (demonizing the other person), and helpless stories (justifying our poor responses). "Those three kinds of stories are what amp up our emotions and justify us in our unhealthy responses," he says.

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Grenny joins Matt Abrahams to share practical strategies for mastering difficult conversations through what he calls "TLC" — truth, love, and competence. From recognizing your motives during conflict to accepting your role in creating it, he offers tools for staying focused on what you really want rather than getting hijacked by short-term emotional impulses.

To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium

Episode Reference Links:

Joseph GrennyJoseph’s Book: Crucial Conversations Ep.105 Radical Candor: The Communication Shift That Can Transform Your CareerEp.148 Conviction and Compassion: How to Have Hard Conversations

Connect:

Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn

Chapters:

(00:00) - Introduction(02:11) - Influence & Why It Matters(04:10) - Truth & Love: The Foundation of Accountability (06:30) - Showing You Care & Respect Others(08:14) - Recognizing Motives in High-Stakes Moment(14:08) - Managing Emotions in Crucial Conversations(20:03) - The Final Three Questions(25:19) - Conclusion

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One of the most essential ingredients to success in business and life is effective communication.
Join Matt Abrahams, best-selling author and Strategic Communication lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, as he interviews experts to provide actionable insights that help you communicate with clarity, confidence, and impact. From handling impromptu questions to crafting compelling messages, Matt explores practical strategies for real-world communication challenges.

Whether you’re navigating a high-stakes presentation, perfecting your email tone, or speaking off the cuff, Think Fast, Talk Smart equips you with the tools, techniques, and best practices to express yourself effectively in any situation. Enhance your communication skills to elevate your career and build stronger professional relationships.

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• No. of episodes: 218
• Latest episode: 2025-06-24
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